Heres some fun facts about ME ME ME, whose life is significant and not squandered, bound to writhe in disgraced obscurity forever.
When i was a toddler i split my head open on a rock and needed stitches, and then did it again pretty soon after
One time i taped a picture of a my little pony in my moms microwave and it stayed there for a few years
My ribcage caves inwards because i didn’t know how to breathe right as a kid
I cleaned up a ton of blood once, and I plan to do it again
One time i held an egg in my pocket for no reason for several hours and then got tired of it and cracked it into my mouth raw on the highway going 80 mph
I occasionally deface holy books and get yelled at online
When i was 19 and realized I was transgender I immediately shaved my head bald and i looked like a cancer patient
Every few years i take a picture of myself eating a watermelon whole so that I can compile them when im old and it can be the slideshow at my funeral
One time i went to an open mic at a nature preservation place and read weird poetry about fucking dogs to a room of senior citizens (they liked it)
I’ve seen a salmon run twice in my life and was suicidal both times
One time I drank a bunch of eggnog mixed with vodka and threw up on my brand new laptop in the middle of the night, permanently disabling its keyboard
When I was a kid I ate so many olives that I got deathly ill and would get anxious and disgusted around olives for years to come
When I learned what a blowjob was I thought it meant a girl bites your entire penis off
I can beat spongebob squarepants battle for bikini bottom in under 3 hours and will take any excuse to do so
I’m almost 70% southern italian
I’ve had to handsaw a couch/bed into pieces 3 separate times
One time I did so much LSD I thought I was in a coffin at my funeral and i’m still pretty convinced that’s the case
Ok thats basically all you need to know about my life story. you now completely understand me as a person and should create a parasocial bond with me.
